It is the crack of dawn right now. And I am awake. Just finished working out. But don’t be fooled. I do this in no sad attempt at a New Year’s Resolution. I don’t believe in those. I am up at 5am because I want to feel good about me. And honestly, right now feeling good doesn’t have much to do with weight, but it has a lot to do with being nicer to myself. Now, one could argue that the nicest thing you could do for yourself is sleep another hour or so. Meh. Sleep is easy. Waking up at 5am? Not as much. But I’ve been doing things the easy, normal way lately and somewhere along the line I lost touch with the fabulous person I used to feel like. I miss her. She was rarely the skinniest girl in the room, but she was often as not the most confident. So, I’m seeking her out again. But a little differently this time. I don’t think I’m going to find her in smoky bars, wearing a red cocktail dress and flirting with everyone in sight. But I’m gonna find her by taking a little more care of the person I am now.
I am playing a character that is amazingly sexy and ridiculous. Sounds like a non sequitur, but stick with me. This character is bold and funny and knows what she wants. She has shadows of old me. It’s pretty fantastic timing to be immersed in this at the very moment when I really need a constant reminder to live life fabulously and believe in a certain innate sexiness that I am capable of possessing. What I am learning as I am getting into this character is that that sexy isn’t nearly as much a set of physical traits as it is a certain air accompanied by a bit of a “take no prisoners” attitude. Sexy isn’t a size or a number on the scale. And it’s funny to have to remind myself of that, because when I look around my world, the sexiest girls I know are certainly not the ones in a size 5. So, why should the same not be true for me? Good question . The answer is easy, though. It is the same. I have as much right as anyone to go out into the world, no holds barred, and be the best kind of fabulous I can. I’ve been very reserved for the better part of the last year and I think it’s time to move past that. I think perhaps it’s time for the old me and the new me to meet somewhere in the middle.