I have been sitting in my favorite coffee shoppe for awhile, trying to figure out precisely how I wanted to begin documenting this particular moment in history. It’s really a nothing special moment. I’m not making any huge decisions. I’m not accomplishing a lifelong goal. Pretty much all I am doing right this second is catering to my musical ADD by switching tracks on Spotify every minute or so. And yet. And yet, looking out the window a minute ago made this day special. Looking out the window reminded me of exactly where I am sitting and how hard it was to get here. And it reminded me of exactly how much joy I take in being here. You forget the big things in the wear and tear of day to day existence. Or at least I forget. I forget that I’m not a little girl in a little town with big dreams and no sense. In the crush of day to day anxiety, I forget that just having a college degree is something that a good portion of my high school graduating class cannot claim. I forget that this place I am in where I am struggling is still an improvement on the person I COULD have ended up becoming.
I can’t dispute that this has been a difficult twelve months. The written evidence is too daunting to be argued. I lost a job, a career trajectory, a best friend to misunderstanding, and a family friend to whatever comes after this life is done. I could have lost my father. I lost perspective. I lost my determination to keep theatre in my life. I could probably keep going. The impulse to dwell on the negative has been very strong in me this year. But today is a different kind of day. Today, as my good friend Fred would say, I am titanium. Because today I can look out the window from a place that I always wanted to belong and I can know that nothing that has happened in the last year has destroyed me. I can’t say there has been no permanent damage, but I can say that I survived. And I’ll take that.
In fact, I’ll improve upon that. I wanted to write today because things are getting better and I want to share that part in this crazy journey, too. I was recently offered a freelancing job, writing an article for an up and coming professional blog, which has opened my eyes to an entirely new set of career possibilities. It’s exciting to think that someone saw something in my writing and thought it was worth paying for. What the heck?!? I am both proud of and humbled by that. I also went ahead and paid for my domain name, so I am now the proud owner of grownupsforpretend.com. I know anyone with a credit card can buy their own domain, but knowing I own my own little piece of the internet feels important somehow. AND! I put in that application to NYU Gallatin that I talked about several months back. I proposed an MA program centering on advocacy and youth theatre. I think it could be a really exhilarating course of study and I am hopeful that the NYU Powers That Be think so, too.
So that’s where things are. But stay tuned. Now that I own my own little piece of internet, I feel some responsibility to fill it with words.