I’ve been thinking about religion a lot lately. I’ve spent my entire life referring to myself as a Christian, but it’s starting to dawn on me that I barely have a clue as to what that means. I know that I have faith in something more than this existence, but that’s true of pretty much every religion. The utter hypocrisy of declaring membership to this belief system when I have never actually read the Bible in its entirety doesn’t sit well with me. It’s also occurred to me that what I have learned has encouraged me to suppress certain curiosities and has encouraged me to view the world as innately patriarchal, both of which I disagree with as a general rule.
I think faith should be a celebration and a source of peace and I’ve struggled to find those things of late. I know it’s kind of the trend to not really believe in anything, but I’ve always felt like having faith in something was important and so I have decided maybe my faith needs to be restructured rather than discarded. So I’m throwing out the rules. I’ve always believed that all paths lead to the same place, but I’ve never actually found the courage to follow my own path, rather than taking the standard one laid out before me. I don’t fit into the standard size box and I don’t think I have to. Faith isn’t one size fits all. And yet I’ve let myself be boxed into something not quite comfortable because of fear of some kind of lasting punishment. Just seems wrong. So I’m going to find a way to believe and to celebrate my spirituality in a way that fits in with the core of who I am. I’m trying to remind myself that if I don’t fault other people for the way they believe, then I shouldn’t fault myself for trying to find my own way. Ultimately I think it will be a worthwhile undertaking. I want a faith that fits me, not one that I have to try to pretzel myself into fitting. And I have to believe that that’s acceptable.
I came across the quote, “An it harm none, do as you will,” while I was reading, and I think it’s a pretty solid rule to start with. I don’t know where my path will take me or how I will identify when I reach the end of it, but I feel certain that however I journey, I will inevitably reach the same peak as everyone else. That said, it occurs to me that it would be fair to ask why bother with finding your own path in the first place if you’ll end up the same place regardless, but it seems to me that it’s kind of like walking through life in clothes that are too small. The end result is that you’re not naked, but wouldn’t it be nicer to be not naked in clothes that fit perfectly?
And so off I go to hit the books. First stop, The Book of God by Walter Wangerin. Gotta love when someone can put the Bible in novel format. I know many argue that you miss the subtleties when you simplify the reading, but I’d say that putting the material in a format that is easier to digest makes people more apt to actually read it. At least people like me who would rather focus on the story that the language.
I could go for some more reading suggestions, though. I find I’m especially interested in learning more about Hinduism, so if anyone knows of a book that provides a good overview, that would be awesome. I still feel a great deal of certainty re: my chosen deity, but I’d like to find a way to believe that fits in more with who I am, and from what I’ve read, Hinduism might actually be a good fit for that. That said, I’m open to other ideas. Ultimately, faith is deeply personal to me, but right now I am finding myself in a stage of evolution and value the insight of others who see the world differently. I’m not really up for starting a debate on who’s right and who’s wrong- that defeats my purpose right now- but I’d love to be able to discuss ideas and beliefs in an open and non-judgmental way with anyone inclined to do so. So for all ten or so of you that randomly check in with this blog- fire away if you have thoughts or opinions or expertise or suggestions. I’d certainly appreciate it. 🙂